Monday, September 26, 2011

How to Help a Friend in Need #DomesticViolence

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Help your friends, family, teens, kids and teachers understand how to help those experiencing abuse.
  • Offer to volunteer your home as a safe house if you have a spare bedroom
  • Offer to spend a few hours each month on a hotline
  • Offer to donate cloths and toys to places such as the Treasure Trunk in Colorado or to the Safe Houses
  • Drop off diapers and formula to any Safe House

My experience: The Treasure Trunk offered me a gift certificate of $50. This was incredibly generous, as I was able to buy gently used or never worn (some had the original tags on them) for me and my two kids. Because I had to spend our money on an attorney to help us, we had very little left for food, clothing and the daily prescriptions my son required.

Domestic Violence is an Equal Opportunity Violator!

I just read the blog post about a wealthy Beverly Hills wife who is experiencing domestic violence. I REALLY loved how "The Hotline" used the dialog and injected suggestions about how to better help friends and family members when they confide in you about what they're experiencing.

  • It can be hard to know what to say to a friend in need. Make sure you stay away from areas of victim-blaming. This exchange perked our ears:
  • Lisa: “Don’t you really feel that maybe you really deserve better than the way you’ve been treated. Really?”
    Taylor: “I think I don’t believe that. “
    Lisa: “That’s the problem, isn’t it?”
    While Lisa was trying to help, her approach placed the guilt on Taylor, making Taylor believe that she had done something wrong.
    Hotline Help: No one chooses to be in an abusive relationship or wants the abuse to continue. Remember to be supportive and non-judgmental. Respect your friend’s decisions and do not criticize them. Remember that it’s easier to talk as an outsider looking at the relationship than the other way around.


Saturday, September 3, 2011

Inspired to take action in public

Barbara Bentley (author of "Dance with the Devil") has inspired me to take action in public. I am a victim of domestic violence. My children are also victim's of domestic violence. The perpetrator is my ex.

At this point I am still petrified to say anything in public using my real name. I am afraid if anyone knows and confronts him, my children will pay the price. When he has been called to task by the Court, daycare providers, arbitrators, or anyone else regarding any topics remotely or directly associted with me, my children have had to endure his wrath.

I can't write more at this point. Too afraid of unintended consequences.